Monday, September 11th, 2006
After podcasting a piece from Raising Charitable Children By Carol Weisman, MSW, CSP, MOM, I went back and started rereading her work. I would recommend that all parents that are looking for ideas to help their kids grow into generous caring adults find themselves a copy. I purchased the eBook version for $10 from http://www.energizeinc.com/store/5-223-E-1 and you can read a saample chapter for free at www.boardbuilders.com/pdfs/rccsamplechapter.pdf.
I can include a short intro as well based on the permission I received with my purchase.
Last year, while I was sitting in my friend Michelle Kornberg’s kitchen in Melbourne, Australia—which really is one of the best places on earth to visit—she told me about something her 15-year-old son Daniel had recently done. I’ll always remember the look of pride on her face when she recounted how Daniel and two of his buddies had saved up their money for a charity auction benefiting the hospital where Daniel’s father worked. Display tables were set out with all kinds of luxurious, snazzy items up for bid: trips, autographed athletic memorabilia, etc. But Daniel and his friends bypassed all that and went to a table showcasing, of all things, medical supplies. Actually, they were just photos of medical supplies, mostly high-tech, huge pieces of equipment the hospital needed. Daniel and his friends placed the highest bid of the night on a high-end electrothermometer. They were thrilled to donate such a cool piece of equipment to the hospital and only wished it could have been something larger and more elaborate. I can just imagine these boys getting together year after year to buy more and more significant gifts for the hospital, enjoying every minute of it.
When I started to write this book, dozens and dozens of people called or e-mailed me to tell me stories like this— charitable deeds their kids had done, or their neighbor’s kids had done, or their sister’s kids or their parish’s kids or their local preschool’s kids. As I started collecting all these stories, I also started to wonder: How did these kids manage to pull off these acts of charity and volunteerism? Certainly the seven-year-old didn’t drive the truck of donated canned goods to the soup kitchen himself. Surely the nine-year-old who wanted to start her own foundation did not singlehandedly apply for 501(c)3 status from the Secretary of State.How did they get to this place, and what did the adults in their lives do to make it happen? I realized that it’s the parents and other caring adults that facilitate a lot of this do-gooding, and so I decided to write Raising Charitable Children as a how-to guide for them. Each chapter in this book begins with a true (and quite inspiring, I must say) story of a child or group of children who have made a difference in the world, big or small. (And speaking of small, do remember that small is not a bad way to help. Not every child is supposed to raise a million dollars or head up his or her own non-profit board of directors.) These stories address many of the Big Questions, indicated at the start of each chapter, about introducing charity and philanthropy to kids of all ages, abilities and backgrounds. The how-to questions that follow break down these projects into manageable steps for the adults in charge. endeavors will always need to be approached with caution and respect, and so I do have a few words of warning. Some people volunteer because they want what I call “emotional access to the frontlines.” They believe they can help others by sharing in their emotional burdens, by being front-and-center with them when tragedy or adversity unfolds. You really have to be careful with this.Charity isn’t about voyeurism. When I worked as a medical social worker in a pediatric hospital, I came across many, many volunteers who wanted mostly to talk to the children with cancer and their families. They really wanted to help, but also, they wanted to be part of the experience. Families fighting a foe like cancer, though, deserve their privacy. The same is true with the beneficiaries of your work. They deserve their privacy, and it’s important to teach this respect to children.
As you approach volunteerism, keep in mind the humanity of those you are attempting to help. Sometimes your work will be best done from afar. When introducing philanthropy into a child’s life, demonstrate that there are many, many ways to help, and that while not all volunteer and charity opportunities can prove thrilling or visceral, all are necessary, even when carried out from a distance. To respect the privacy of some of the individuals whose stories I’ve shared in this book, I’ve referred to them by a changed first name only. Where I’ve referred to somebody by a first and last name, the name is real.
When researching and trying out new charity opportunities, always remember that the relationship has to work for all the parties involved. That means you, the other grown-ups involved, the kids, and the charitable organization. Some nonprofits simply may not be established enough, or have their act together enough, to handle you and your fellow volunteers. They may not have the physical space for you to work on-site, or their staff won’t know what to do with you, or there aren’t enough staff members to work with you. Such shortcomings are more common than you might think. A charity has never turned down my money, but more than a few have turned down gifts of my time and expertise.
As you begin your family’s journey into charity and philanthropy, it can be tricky to predict how much responsibility will fall on you and how much will fall on your child (or grandchild, godchild, etc.). We’ve all eaten far too many Girl Scout cookies that have never been touched by a child’s hand, but rather sold to us through a co-worker whose daughter just happens to be a Girl Scout. But since kids don’t drive, schedule their own agendas or enjoy secretarial support at the office, their projects often wind up becoming our projects. It’s like getting a puppy: Despite a child’s passionate promises to take full responsibility for Scruffy, Mom and Dad still find themselves scooping poop off the neighbor’s lawn at one o’clock in the morning—not necessarily because the child is shirking his or her duties, but because the doggie’s gotta go, and the kid’s already in bed.
Sharing the load without owning your child’s project can prove to be one of the trickiest parts of taking on volunteer work. You have to be truly honest about what the child is mature enough to handle and what you have the time to commit to. If you ever reach a point where it feels like your kid is taking credit for the work you’re doing, then something is off-balance! Your role is to do the adult things that your children need you to do so that they can pursue the charitable goals they’ve set for themselves, or that you’ve collectively set together. This means you chaperone, supervise, and do a little literal and figurative heavy lifting.
Lastly, don’t get discouraged. Sometimes kids would rather play video games than stack cans in a food pantry— just as there are days when I’d rather watch reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond than go to another board meeting.
This is where you have to be both wise and tenacious. It can be really frustrating to work with a charity or a child who isn’t into what you have to offer. Don’t get discouraged. It may take some time to find a philanthropic project that’s a good fit, but once you do, trust me—you and your kids will feel great about it.
